The arrested professor

DELULU is the solulu
Origin: Gen Z fans
Meaning: The latest version of ‘fake it till you make it’ or being delusional is the solution
Current location: In the minds of the boomers and Gen X ruling the roost in the land of the pure
Over the weekend, a university professor in Karachi was picked up for some hours after he tweeted about the pressure on the university syndicate which was faced with a case about a student’s degree.
It may seem like a small, local issue, but it was not. Students, degrees and university administrations are hardly out of the routine. But as the professor spent hours at one police station and then another while his wife, colleagues and others tweeted up a storm of protest, those of us who were following it on X just couldn’t look away.
And not just because of the professor’s incarceration but because of who the ‘student’ he tweeted about was. A judge of the high court; the same high court, by the way, the judges of which had complained in a letter about being harassed.

And since then, it seems there is no end to the skeletons in their closet so much so that cases about their ‘misconduct’ have reached the Supreme Judicial Council (SJC). One of them had a fake degree and another dual nationality. And while the SJC slept on, the university where he studied was alerted to his ‘fake’ degree, after decades of his practice as a lawyer and years of ‘judgery’.
But to return to the professor.
He spent hours at two police stations, was then released after which he proceeded to speak publicly about the matter before the university syndicate. And how his ‘arrest’ (or was it a detention?) meant he was unable to voice his views during the syndicate meeting. And he wasn’t wrong — because after his quick ‘arrest’ and return, the newspapers the next day reported that “a judge” has had his degree cancelled!
In some of the reports, the judge remained nameless while in others the cancellation was reported without any official confirmation. The ever-reliable zarai or ‘sources’ come to the rescue of those who matter. That the degree was revoked without the ‘student’ having been given the opportunity to defend himself is perhaps a minor issue. Very minor.
To some extent, none of this was surprising. The manipulation by those in power is now about as subtle as Mr Bean’s expressions or Joan Rivers’ cosmetic procedures.
And yet, some think they can explain it away.
So the next day, the police in Karachi put out a tweet (remember the app is banned) to ‘explain’ the ‘incident’. Apparently, the police were informed about a ‘wanted’ (ishtehaari) and this is why the professor was brought in for questioning. But once he explained why the case had been registered against him but that he was acquitted by the courts, he was allowed to leave.

Indeed! In a country where militants carry out attacks on a regular basis, mullahs and others on the Fourth Schedule even leave the country for travel before returning and cases against politicians open and shut with surprising ease, the police in one thana became an efficient machine for a few hours and were not willing to relent till they had reached the truth in the case of one professor.
As Gen Z says, delulu is the solulu. And so the powers that be are convinced they will continue to fake it, till they make it because the rest of us have been lobotomised.
In Islamabad, parliamentary sessions are called abruptly, with much speculation over the agenda. As the government looks away, lone rangers in parliament, many of them newbies who are quick to please, present complicated legislative bills, as private members’ bills. The government ministers bat their eyelashes like innocent Disney princesses while the backbenchers on the treasury benches along with allies all decide to vote for bills. Because the legislation put together by individuals was so brilliant, it was backed by all other individuals who just happen to be entire parties in the legislatures.
If these bills happen to deal with difficult decisions or judges who are causing a few headaches to some people somewhere on elections, and related matters, what a coincidence. Just like a meet-cute sets up for a rom-com which will lead to happily ever after and a couple of hours of oblivion for the viewers. No one is there to look for loopholes.

So if the judiciary wanted to give the independent members in parliament to be given the chance to join PTI, the new laws passed by our legislators say members can’t make this choice after three days. Another new eager beaver has presented a bill, which as law, will give the government power to move judges from one high court to another. If these judges happen to include the one with the “fake degree” or “dual nationality” it will be another coincidence.
And why shouldn’t the people believe it? After all, there was no ban on X for the longest; there was no firewall or ‘fibre wall’ slowing down the internet, till one day a web management system was being upgraded which then gave way to bad, bad VPNs slowing down the internet. But then it turned out the cables had been damaged. The issue will be fixed in October, though this remains subject to further updates.
And on the other side of the aisle, the PTI tells us it believes in democracy and the rule of law and will hence hold talks with the military establishment within the confines of the Constitution.
The boomers and Gen X have gone delulu, convinced that they will make it eventually by faking it. The rest of us watch on, knowing no one has a solulu.
The writer is a journalist.
Published in Dawn, September 3rd, 2024